Archive for the ‘Government programs’ Category

After getting news that my job was ending as of December 31 (I have since been renewed as an employee with benefits for 3 months), I started looking for information on funding to be able to to care for my mother at home.

As it turns out, the Ontario government will assist you in paying someone to come into your home or to live in to help look after a family member but won’t pay you to do it.*

For those caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, having someone else come into your home is problematic enough. Neither I nor my mother want someone we don’t know coming into the house. We don’t NEED someone else coming into the home. Why should we have to pay someone to do what I can do myself for the foreseeable future? I know one day I won’t be able to give her the care she needs but at the moment I can. By the time I can’t it is likely she will have to go into care.

Why is it, though, when I tell people that I am frustrated because there is no provision for allowing me to stay home to care for my mother long-term they inevitably tell me about programs where I can get someone in to care for my mother! I DON”T WANT SOMEONE COMING IN TO CARE FOR MY MOTHER! MY MOTHER DOESN’T WANT OR NEED SOMEONE COMING IN TO CARE FOR HER!

I don’t NEED someone to provide respite care…. If I do I know where and how to get it.

I don’t NEED a full-time care-giver… I KNOW there is funding and resources to get someone in to care full-time or part time! THIS IS NOT THE ISSUE!

What I WANT is to be free to take care of my mother myself and spend as much time with her as I can. HOW HARD IS THIS TO UNDERSTAND?

Stop telling me that “One day I will need to fall back on this”! Don’t tell me “You need to find full-time care”! Stop telling me “Maybe you need to put her in care”! None of this helps, nor is it welcome!

My mother is fine but she cannot make herself meals and she can’t take herself for a drive and she can’t remember where things are but that doesn’t mean I want or need someone else to “help out”!

My “problem” is that, quite apart from the fact that if I were working outside the home I would be getting calls from her 50 times a day about mundane things that I have answered her about 49 times previously that day,  I want to spend all the time I can helping Mom and spending time with her while I can.  This is not solved by the government paying a stranger to come into the home to look after her! It is not solved by Meals on Wheels! It is not solved by respite care! It is not solved with a paltry tax rebate for me to take time off temporarily which we wouldn’t get anyway because our income is higher than $12,000 a year and because the family member has to either be terminally ill or temporarily unable to care for themselves! It is not solved by people telling me I need to put her in a home! It is not solved with telling me that “other family members need to step up”! (The ones that can’t CAN’T, PERIOD! And the others I wouldn’t trust caring for Mom, PERIOD!). I am WILLING and ABLE to do it.

As it happens, my employment will continue for the next three months and may be renewed on a quarterly basis until 2013 (no guarantees). That means that I can still work and stay home with Mom for the next while. At least I have that luxury for the next while. I may end up choosing not to accept further offers in the near future simply because I cannot juggle both. The fact is that caring for my Mom would be a full-time job — a job I WANT to do — and I should be able to get compensated at least partially for doing the same work that the government is willing to pay out for a stranger to come into your house.

I am not “tired”. I am not “worn out”. I am not “at my wits ends”. I just want to have the time to care for my mother and love her while I can… How hard is this to understand?????


* The province of Quebec DOES have a full-time family care-giver program, apparently but that’s of no use to us.


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